So going to lay it down for you:
I was 33 yrs old and weighed 398lbs. Yep I was 2lbs shy of 400.
I had PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome), sleep apnea, bad back, bad knees and just all round bad.
I decided for the something different. WLS - Weight Loss Surgery. I decided I didn't want the bypass, too many bad things could happen. Ah but the Lap Band - is reversible, and haven't heard as many bad things. After several visits with the psychologist (yes several!), dietitian, and the doctor I was approved for Lap Band Surgery. My surgery took place on July 5th 2005. Now you are thinking hey at least you really got to enjoy one last 4th yeah no I was on a liquid diet for 2 days before surgery....it sucked!
Had the surgery, everything went great! Before I knew it I was losing the weight. Shane had the same surgery shortly after I did.
I lost 89 lbs in 2 yrs. I was ecstatic! It was working! I was feeling better, looking better doing more.....FEELING GREAT! Other then the pesky ciggies, I was doing great!
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Wake up! Something is wrong!
I made my appointment and went in for a PAP Smear for the first time in oh about 6yrs. We talked I told her about the weight gain and the issues. Also explained what I was told over and over again. I told her I think there is something seriously wrong with my insides. She looked up from her tablet...and really looked at me.
If you are not overweight, please understand we are not all disgusting or dirty. There are some us that actually are very cautious about what we wear, what we look like and anything else. However there are some out there that can not look past the fat and see the person behind it. I am not saying I am the healthy fat person in the world....I know better. But under this weight is still a kind loving person that can hurt by a look or words just as any size 0 can. I have never had a doctor look at me the way she did. I saw her concern. I saw her anger at those other doctors. She said yes there as to be. And a series of the same questions, thyroid - no, diabetes - no....well then there has to be something. That day...YES THAT VERY DAY she sent me off for so many test I thought I would have to have more blood given to me. After the test we sat down to talk. I told her I knew it was not just me being fat. Then again she looked at me. And said honey I am sorry to tell you this but you are fat and we need to take care of that too. I told her I understood, but gaining almost 250 lbs in 2 yrs time there is something really wrong.
Results: Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome
English: There are cysts all over my ovaries that are comprised up of sugar. So much like diabetes my body does not handle the process of sugar very well. It is not as life threatening as diabetes can be, but still jacks up your system.
These cyst were causing my ovaries to not function as they should. Hence no baby! So she got me on some meds that really helped, I did loose some weight but not a drop in the bucket to how much I had gained. She sat me down and talked to me again about my alternatives to weight loss. I could go hard core on the exercise and eating better or I can try something else. I was up for anything.
If you are not overweight, please understand we are not all disgusting or dirty. There are some us that actually are very cautious about what we wear, what we look like and anything else. However there are some out there that can not look past the fat and see the person behind it. I am not saying I am the healthy fat person in the world....I know better. But under this weight is still a kind loving person that can hurt by a look or words just as any size 0 can. I have never had a doctor look at me the way she did. I saw her concern. I saw her anger at those other doctors. She said yes there as to be. And a series of the same questions, thyroid - no, diabetes - no....well then there has to be something. That day...YES THAT VERY DAY she sent me off for so many test I thought I would have to have more blood given to me. After the test we sat down to talk. I told her I knew it was not just me being fat. Then again she looked at me. And said honey I am sorry to tell you this but you are fat and we need to take care of that too. I told her I understood, but gaining almost 250 lbs in 2 yrs time there is something really wrong.
Results: Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome
English: There are cysts all over my ovaries that are comprised up of sugar. So much like diabetes my body does not handle the process of sugar very well. It is not as life threatening as diabetes can be, but still jacks up your system.
These cyst were causing my ovaries to not function as they should. Hence no baby! So she got me on some meds that really helped, I did loose some weight but not a drop in the bucket to how much I had gained. She sat me down and talked to me again about my alternatives to weight loss. I could go hard core on the exercise and eating better or I can try something else. I was up for anything.
Not always but most of the time....
So I left it all unicorns and blah blah blah. I am not saying we have a perfect relationship, but we have a pretty good one. Shane and I are soul mates. He and I know each other. It is almost scary sometimes how he can read me or how I can read him. My family couldn't/can't even do that. They try but they are usually wrong. Well except for my Aunt Carol. She and I are too much a like it is too funny. Funny thing is that I only spent summers with her for like 6 yrs.
Any way Shane and I have our ups and downs - our trials and tribulations. In almost 14 yrs of marriage we have only left the house twice angry at each other. We do spit our venom at each other and have brought up the ugly D word. But honestly I don't think I could live with out him. So we lived and worked and played the happy married couple. I would have a relationship off an on again with my father, especially after his heart attack. Life went on. The biggest hurt was no baby.
Shane and I decided after 2 years of marriage that we would start trying to get preggers. So after about 2 yrs I stopped taking birth control. 1 yr....no baby - gained over 75 lbs- doctors say it is the birth control still running havoc on my system. 2 yrs - no baby - gained another 60lbs....doctors still say it is the meds and it should be done with by this year. To come back for my next exam if not pregnant before then. 3 yrs - no baby - gained over 100lbs - Doctors change their story to I am just over weight and I could not carry a baby if I wanted to.
So in 2005, my primary doctor gives me a lecture about not having a physical exam in years....well after test and being told it just me being fat I was done with it. So he gave me the name of an awesome doctor. Dr Carrier Grounds at Johnson County Womens Clinic. And this was the day that changed everything. That first appointment with her.
Any way Shane and I have our ups and downs - our trials and tribulations. In almost 14 yrs of marriage we have only left the house twice angry at each other. We do spit our venom at each other and have brought up the ugly D word. But honestly I don't think I could live with out him. So we lived and worked and played the happy married couple. I would have a relationship off an on again with my father, especially after his heart attack. Life went on. The biggest hurt was no baby.
Shane and I decided after 2 years of marriage that we would start trying to get preggers. So after about 2 yrs I stopped taking birth control. 1 yr....no baby - gained over 75 lbs- doctors say it is the birth control still running havoc on my system. 2 yrs - no baby - gained another 60lbs....doctors still say it is the meds and it should be done with by this year. To come back for my next exam if not pregnant before then. 3 yrs - no baby - gained over 100lbs - Doctors change their story to I am just over weight and I could not carry a baby if I wanted to.
So in 2005, my primary doctor gives me a lecture about not having a physical exam in years....well after test and being told it just me being fat I was done with it. So he gave me the name of an awesome doctor. Dr Carrier Grounds at Johnson County Womens Clinic. And this was the day that changed everything. That first appointment with her.
Friday, May 20, 2011
How we became more.....
Meaning of Shane: God is Gracious!
That made no sense to me until later.
So Shane knew what was going on with the home life. But that night/day he had a shock. I was supposed to meet him the next day for bfast. I wasnt there. I found out later he called my parents house (this was a time before cell phones....or at least only the rich had them) to find out where I was. My stepmother decided to tell him that I was only speaking out of a certain part of my anatomy and I could never really care about anyone else but myself. As he sat and listened to what had happened and then months later told me what happened when he called I knew he was in for a good haul. I had an hint when he left the rose on my car after the first date. However if he could deal with the craziness this may be the one!
So I moved from place to place. First my grandmother then a friend. Then that friend started driving me crazy....well more her family. Any how.....Shane helped me find an apartment that I could afford on my Sam's club paycheck. It was a roach motel. When say that I am serious. Because of this place I have like panic attacks when I even see a wood roach and they dont come inside. I had just sat down to go to the bathroom when one dropped from the ceiling landing on my leg. Yep I ran out my apartment with no pants on. Nice, huh? Any way it was on my terms, I was free....I was on my own....kind of. I had Shane!
I dropped out of Juco and Shane sadly was not far behind. I was never a school type of person, but Shane was/is smart. Super smart. But we didnt think about it then. And we had too much fun...we spent a little too much....worked but it got to the point where we were over drawn....everywhere. We robbed Peter to pay Paul and left Mary go hungry sometimes. It got to the point where we consistently fighting about money...we were not having nearly as much fun as we used to. We were in trouble with a capital T. There was several times I just wanted to leave. But I had to think...this man didnt leave me in the craziness of my life. I can not abandon him with this. We eloped (we had already been engaged) and declared bankruptcy and it all started turning sunshine and unicorns again! I remembered why I fell in love with him. It was wonderful again.
That made no sense to me until later.
So Shane knew what was going on with the home life. But that night/day he had a shock. I was supposed to meet him the next day for bfast. I wasnt there. I found out later he called my parents house (this was a time before cell phones....or at least only the rich had them) to find out where I was. My stepmother decided to tell him that I was only speaking out of a certain part of my anatomy and I could never really care about anyone else but myself. As he sat and listened to what had happened and then months later told me what happened when he called I knew he was in for a good haul. I had an hint when he left the rose on my car after the first date. However if he could deal with the craziness this may be the one!
So I moved from place to place. First my grandmother then a friend. Then that friend started driving me crazy....well more her family. Any how.....Shane helped me find an apartment that I could afford on my Sam's club paycheck. It was a roach motel. When say that I am serious. Because of this place I have like panic attacks when I even see a wood roach and they dont come inside. I had just sat down to go to the bathroom when one dropped from the ceiling landing on my leg. Yep I ran out my apartment with no pants on. Nice, huh? Any way it was on my terms, I was free....I was on my own....kind of. I had Shane!
I dropped out of Juco and Shane sadly was not far behind. I was never a school type of person, but Shane was/is smart. Super smart. But we didnt think about it then. And we had too much fun...we spent a little too much....worked but it got to the point where we were over drawn....everywhere. We robbed Peter to pay Paul and left Mary go hungry sometimes. It got to the point where we consistently fighting about money...we were not having nearly as much fun as we used to. We were in trouble with a capital T. There was several times I just wanted to leave. But I had to think...this man didnt leave me in the craziness of my life. I can not abandon him with this. We eloped (we had already been engaged) and declared bankruptcy and it all started turning sunshine and unicorns again! I remembered why I fell in love with him. It was wonderful again.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
History of me...prt 2
I looked over at this kind of geeky kid. I was so into the bad boys, manly country rodeo bad boys. Honestly I was looking at his friend as possible date material.
"Hey you do you have the answer to question #3?"
He slowly looks up, "My name is not 'hey you', its Shane, Jennifer."
Really!?!?!?! Wow, didnt ask for a tude just the answer. Then class by class we talked a little more, then he started sitting next to me in class. All the while I was not thinking as him as more then just a possible friend.
Then one day out of the blue after a super crappy day I walked out to my little red car and found a note on my car. Yep it was from him. Just saying maybe we could get together. Well I had already gone through a crappy break up earlier that week. Just another shining moment of when I found out I was not good enough and I was the other women....oh yeah with like 8 other ladies. Anyhow, my friends had already decided to take me out that weekend, and I thought what the hay. So I gave Shane a call and asked if he wanted to join. Still not thinking anything more then just maybe a couple of dates....yeah a bounce back....a rebound.
So we went out on a couple of dates, and I liked him. He was really nice! Not like that I have ever been with before. Is this what I was missing after all the other guys I dated. Really...I dont know if I like the bad guys anymore! Give the nice quite guy a chance....you never know when you have a Prince!
So we had been dating for about a couple of months, and things were great. No WONDERFUL! He was polite, caring and I think my parents and Grandmother even like him more then they like me. So I had him over one evening when I was supposed to. Guess what I was like 20 I should have been able to have some one over without my parents being there.
Anyway you remember the land mines I weaved through....yeah I just stepped on one. My parents found out and I had a letter on the garage door when I got home from work saying I was pretty much dead. Now when my father said he was going to kill me I had no doubt mind that he would! I decided I was done. I was done being the dog poop on his shoe. My stepmother came home (they had foster kids that I just couldnt up and leave), I had everything packed and ready to go. Now I said I dont remember much in the years I lived with them. But that night is burned into my memory. That was the night I grew a backbone!
My stepmother said that I couldnt take the car and took the keys away from me. Even though I paid for it. Any way, I walked almost 5 miles on the highway and then I I did something that I have been told to never do....gasp I hitchhiked. Yep I could have been one of those girls that are on the nightly news. Stupid I was, but I had to get out! I had to! But I didnt it was a nice guy that yes had a little to much to drink but he got me to McDonalds in DeSoto where I met up with my Grandmother. It felt good! I was free! I would never get hit again! And to this day I have not been hit or abused in a physical manner.
And here is where I made the choice to stop it from being the story of me to the story of us. Shane did things in the next few days after that craziness that I knew he was some one that deserved a second look, a second thought and maybe my heart.
"Hey you do you have the answer to question #3?"
He slowly looks up, "My name is not 'hey you', its Shane, Jennifer."
Really!?!?!?! Wow, didnt ask for a tude just the answer. Then class by class we talked a little more, then he started sitting next to me in class. All the while I was not thinking as him as more then just a possible friend.
Then one day out of the blue after a super crappy day I walked out to my little red car and found a note on my car. Yep it was from him. Just saying maybe we could get together. Well I had already gone through a crappy break up earlier that week. Just another shining moment of when I found out I was not good enough and I was the other women....oh yeah with like 8 other ladies. Anyhow, my friends had already decided to take me out that weekend, and I thought what the hay. So I gave Shane a call and asked if he wanted to join. Still not thinking anything more then just maybe a couple of dates....yeah a bounce back....a rebound.
So we went out on a couple of dates, and I liked him. He was really nice! Not like that I have ever been with before. Is this what I was missing after all the other guys I dated. Really...I dont know if I like the bad guys anymore! Give the nice quite guy a chance....you never know when you have a Prince!
So we had been dating for about a couple of months, and things were great. No WONDERFUL! He was polite, caring and I think my parents and Grandmother even like him more then they like me. So I had him over one evening when I was supposed to. Guess what I was like 20 I should have been able to have some one over without my parents being there.
Anyway you remember the land mines I weaved through....yeah I just stepped on one. My parents found out and I had a letter on the garage door when I got home from work saying I was pretty much dead. Now when my father said he was going to kill me I had no doubt mind that he would! I decided I was done. I was done being the dog poop on his shoe. My stepmother came home (they had foster kids that I just couldnt up and leave), I had everything packed and ready to go. Now I said I dont remember much in the years I lived with them. But that night is burned into my memory. That was the night I grew a backbone!
My stepmother said that I couldnt take the car and took the keys away from me. Even though I paid for it. Any way, I walked almost 5 miles on the highway and then I I did something that I have been told to never do....gasp I hitchhiked. Yep I could have been one of those girls that are on the nightly news. Stupid I was, but I had to get out! I had to! But I didnt it was a nice guy that yes had a little to much to drink but he got me to McDonalds in DeSoto where I met up with my Grandmother. It felt good! I was free! I would never get hit again! And to this day I have not been hit or abused in a physical manner.
And here is where I made the choice to stop it from being the story of me to the story of us. Shane did things in the next few days after that craziness that I knew he was some one that deserved a second look, a second thought and maybe my heart.
So yeah the rest of the hsitory of me.....prt 1
So I left the last post on high emotions. And as I do a lot of times I bury and this got buried. I didn't want to rip up the past but yet another time someone said I should either right down something or I should blog. So time to dig up the coffin and let the bones rattle.
So in the last post I left it at losing my mother and I was a physical and emotional punching bag. So that was 12 from then on it was a tough. I had to learn to weave and glide through the mine field of home life while trying to be understood at school and learn while being tormented. It was a tough time in my life. And really the years ran together. I had a very good friend that I am now back in contact with today. She was my sister. I loved her as one. She was there through a lot. She reported what was happening to me at home to the school counselor I dont know how many times. NOTE: To those who are made aware of abuse - after so much it is not falling down the stairs or hitting a door knob. I covered for my parents. I told them I fell or whatever. The hardest one I ever had to explain was my ear. My father grabbed me by ear lobe one day just get my attention and he bruised my entire ear. Dog bit me...yeah yeah that's right. Anyhow it all ran together between age 12 to oh about 20ish. It was a cycle of events that continued for those 8 yrs.
I went to junior college and barely survived like always doing the same things. And then things changed in 1995 I met a man. A wonderful man! Now I didnt know that then, but I had an idea. So began my life with Shane Johnson.
It all started when I decided to take Micro-Econ with my friend Emily. What in the hello was I thinking. Way over my head. So as I sat there looking at the questions for a pending assignment that was due in a matter of minutes. I realized I didnt have a few questions, oh why am I lying...I didnt have any questions answered. So I looked at this guy sitting across from me. I didnt see him as possible date material or even friend material. Honestly in that state of mind I was in it was who I could use to get by. However he made me look twice!
So in the last post I left it at losing my mother and I was a physical and emotional punching bag. So that was 12 from then on it was a tough. I had to learn to weave and glide through the mine field of home life while trying to be understood at school and learn while being tormented. It was a tough time in my life. And really the years ran together. I had a very good friend that I am now back in contact with today. She was my sister. I loved her as one. She was there through a lot. She reported what was happening to me at home to the school counselor I dont know how many times. NOTE: To those who are made aware of abuse - after so much it is not falling down the stairs or hitting a door knob. I covered for my parents. I told them I fell or whatever. The hardest one I ever had to explain was my ear. My father grabbed me by ear lobe one day just get my attention and he bruised my entire ear. Dog bit me...yeah yeah that's right. Anyhow it all ran together between age 12 to oh about 20ish. It was a cycle of events that continued for those 8 yrs.
I went to junior college and barely survived like always doing the same things. And then things changed in 1995 I met a man. A wonderful man! Now I didnt know that then, but I had an idea. So began my life with Shane Johnson.
It all started when I decided to take Micro-Econ with my friend Emily. What in the hello was I thinking. Way over my head. So as I sat there looking at the questions for a pending assignment that was due in a matter of minutes. I realized I didnt have a few questions, oh why am I lying...I didnt have any questions answered. So I looked at this guy sitting across from me. I didnt see him as possible date material or even friend material. Honestly in that state of mind I was in it was who I could use to get by. However he made me look twice!
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