As I have told my story I have to revisit the hate that I had in my heart.
My mother died.....why did God take away a 12 yr old girl's mother way
I was sent to my father's to live......why did God send me to live with abusers and hateful people.
I couldn't have a baby but others...crack whores and abusers were having them everyday....why did God let this happen.
At this point in our lives I was not a big fan of the big JC and his Father. I said I was Agnostic....that I believed there was a higher being but was not ready to say it was God. Honestly at this point I was blissful in the knowledge of no knowledge. I didnt pray, heck really I had not really prayed since my mother died. I didnt go to church, and really I didnt want to .... have to wake up early on a Sunday no way....thats my weekend.
When my Momma died, my Grandma Sue stepped up and really filled that spot. Grandma had smoked since she was 12, and had just quit when she was in her 50s. So 38 years of smoking caused COPD, Emphysema and a list of other health issues. January 20th she was released from the hospital, that she had gone into just a few days before because she was having a hard time breathing. She went home, got into bed. Had a conversation with my father about her toilet, in which he told her he would not come fix it and she called him a 'horse's ass' and hung up and called me to come fix it. I told her that I would be there Monday after work because we had plans that Sunday. And everything was grand.....
The next day my aunt called me because she could not get a hold of my grandmother.....I called my grandmother no answer.....I called my father. He said he would call me in a few minutes. Those few minutes were the longest minutes in my life. When he did call back, I was struck hard, Grandma had suffered a stroke sometime during the night. And she is being rushed to the hospital. My heart was ripping...tearing....dying!
We raced to the hospital and stayed there all day. My aunt made it up and we all decided to take shift on who was going to stay with her over night. My father was going to take the first one followed by me then my Aunt. At least until the finalization of the paperwork was done and she could be removed from life support - which she did not want to be on.
Shane drove me home...all the way down I35 I could not believe this was happening to me again.
I stopped.....
Dear Jesus, I know we don't talk enough. And I probably should. I am sorry I have denied you. But I ask you please....PLEASE....at this time help her! I know I have no right to ask for your help, when I have lied to myself, stated how much I hated you. But please....please....please...help her! This is not for me...I dont want her in pain. Amen.
Before we pulled off the highway my father called to tell me that she had passed on. God had answered my prayer. Mine....a heathen...a person that showed him no love in the past. God reached his hands down and held my grandmother and brought her to Him.
THANK YOU LORD!
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